TooMuchTooSoon

So this person is a pretty big component of my college experience, and I figured I’d give her a nice formal introduction. Our friendship started, like most people’s in college, through facebook. She lived a floor above me and creeped on me somehow and we were facebook friends.

We had talked a few times on facebook, and then eventually one day I ventured up to her room and we finally ‘met’ each other. We hung out a few times, got to become friends, the whole shabang. This is only the beginning of the story.

I would love to continue the story in this post, but it’s too good to do that. I just want to give her a proper introduction.

This girl is pretty… amazing? She’s the most sarcastic, smart assed person I know, which is one of the reasons we get along so well. She’s from the same state as our college, so she’s got the whole ‘home grown’ thing working for her, loves the state and her town. Most of all though, she loves being a pain in my ass.

I’m not gonna lie, I love being a pain in her ass too, and that comes into play a lot. If you ever find someone that is like that, be their friend. It’s so much fun to bicker back and forth with someone, and know deep down you don’t really mean most of it. Try it some time…

Anyway, that’s about all I can really write tonight, because I’m tired as hell and have a lot of tests and whatnot this week. But, it’s about time this girl gets introduced…

And so it begins…

So, everyone has stupid friends, right? The friends that will do whatever they can for attention, do stupid stuff because they don’t care, or know any better. We all have had them, we all have loved them.

I had a couple of stupid friends my freshman year, and still have them. These are the kind of friends that did stupid shit because they were bored, amongst other things (alcohol didn’t make the matter any better). We would be sitting around late at night, not having any homework, not caring when we go to sleep, and they would just do something so ridiculous that you are blown away with their stupidity. Let me introduce some of these guys.

Chatham was a kid who had no idea what the hell he was doing ever. When we first all met him, he was quiet, reserved, kind of to himself. It wasn’t until the first or second weekend when he “came out of his shell.” We went to a few frat parties, and apparently (I had left a little before this happened) he chugged a gallon of milk on the front of some houses’ lawn just to impress a girl. But I mean, who doesn’t do stupid shit like that, right? Oh wait…

He seemed like he could have been nice, good, smart, etc etc etc. Fact of the matter was he loved to just be an idiot, drink a lot, and just be a moron above all. One of my favorite memories of him is when he got a little too drunk one night, fell off of his top bunk, and proceeded to stand up, drop his pants, and pee all over his roommates bed/shoes. We hated that roommate too, but that’s another story.

Chatham also liked to turn on a lighter, get the metal part warm, and then put it onto his skin. Pretty smart, no? That’s a good definition of stupid. It’s fun to observe one of these kinds of people, just doing something that is nothing at the same time, thinking they are making a good decision, when really they know they are an idiot, deep down they know.

He did have an accomplice though. This kid’s name was from Wheaton as well, but we liked to call him dumbkid, so that he will remain. Dumbkid was skinny as all hell, and just as stupid. He would drink more than anyone, loved getting attention, and was great at making a room full of people laugh at him. He should have been a stand-up comic with all of his stories about his awful childhood and his dad and whatnot. He was the stupidest of them all because in the end, he had to leave after our freshman year because he didn’t make above a 2.0. He was real dumb, but we loved him all the same. He is one of those people where there is such a long story behind it all that you can’t even begin to go into it.

The third and final stupid kid was Carol Stream, or CS as I will refer to him as. He’s a tall, half black half white behemoth. He wasn’t as dumb freshman year, but once we joined our fraternity, his stupid self came out, almost 100% provoked by Chatham. He was like the human version of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. He would use that Eeyore voice to let us know when he “wasn’t sure” about us doing something, or had to study or something stupid. Like I said, he later became a stupid kid because of Chatham, so I guess I will get back to that later.

More or less, these three are some of the most important people in the stories of my college experience, and only one of them are left at school right now. That kind of proves the point of ‘Stupid Friends’ in a nutshell, but I like to draw out stories.

Back to stupid friends… Everyone has at least one, I was lucky enough to have 3. Something about having someone in your life to do all the stupid things you have always dreamed of doing is really quite exhilarating. The fact that you get to watch what you want to do get acted out by someone else, and then realize how stupid it was, is really a lot of fun. I think it’s almost a necessity for our society to have these types of people, that have no regard for social norms and ways of life, will just do as they please, do things people normally wouldn’t, just because they can.

I will give you a list of my favorite stupid things they have done, mind you it’s mostly Chatham and Dumbkid.

-Drink a straight cup of lemon juice
-Snort wasabi
-Jump off a bunk bed onto a table
-Drink 5 shots within 5 seconds (while producing tears)
-Get a $6,000 medical bill
-Get put in a jail cell at an airport

So, my next topic has to do with shitty relationships, especially in college. One of my best friends I met at school so far is a girl, and she is from Owasso, OK, hence she will be referred to as Owasso.  She had a boyfriend when we all first met, he didn’t live on our floor, but was there all the time. 

Now, the reason this post is entitled “Relationshits” is for this reason, they had a relationshit. It may not have started off that way, but the reason it was one is because of the fact that this man, who I guess we can call Coyote (for reasons only known to those who have met him), only came to our school because of his lovely girlfriend. Now, no one really liked him, but he persisted to invite himself everywhere we went, included himself in everything we did, and was just weird. I’m pretty sure the second we all knew that he was a psycho was the first time we were in the same room as him and Owasso and he said, “he guys, check out my switchblade!” Yeah… I think you get the point.  

Anyway, this relationship lasted through most of the first semester, but came to a close towards finals week, right around the beginning of December. There is a much longer, more detailed and amazingly sweet story that goes behind that, and that is for sure coming up at some point. Long story short, he got his ass kicked by Wheaton, and then he transferred during Winter Break, and we never saw or heard from him again. The reason this is a relationshit is because, well, obvious reasons. You shouldn’t go to a school just because the person you’re obsessed with does. That’s stupid. One of my best friends from back home almost did that, and then it ended up happening, but not for that reason. That relationship did eventually end before school even started, and that just proves the point.  

I know people talk about it all the time and some try and disprove it, but who are you fooling? It’s stupid. If you need to follow someone somewhere because you don’t trust them, that’s a relationshit. If you fight over whether or not there’s jelly in the house (DC reference), then you’re in a relationshit. If you fight because your boyfriend ate the hamburger that was supposed to be yours, and then you didn’t want another one cooked because you were too pissed off (even though they literally take like, 6 minutes to make), you’re for sure in a relationshit.   

Anyway, let’s get more to Owasso. She’s tall, blond, aryan race type. Did pom squad in high school, which I hadn’t heard of until I came to school, and was basically a big deal, more or less. I love her to death, but she’s something else. She has a new boyfriend now, for almost 2 years now I think, and he is one of my fraternity brothers and a very good friend. They’re one of those couples that are so cute it makes you want to puke in a bag and dump it on that person’s head who cuts in front of you in the port-a-potty line at a concert. They are just naseauting, but in the best and nicest possible. They’ve come close to being in a relationshit a few times, but I and everyone else knows that he can’t live without her, and she can’t live without him.

I recently had dinner with her and she mentioned how the two of them would fight over which side I stood on for the wedding (not that I’m securing my spot in their or anyone’s wedding, but I had offered to dress up like a dog and crawl down the aisle with the rings on my back). It’s a little strange being in the middle of a relationship like that. He and I lived together over this past summer, therefore she did too. I think I’ve seen more movies with just the two of them than I have with just myself and a date in my entire life. I digress quite well… She is awesome, now in a sorority which is the center of her universe. Good for her? I don’t know, I hate the sorority she’s in, but that’s another story for another time.   

Her and I have spent a lot of time together over our first 2 years of college, some thought we even had been dating at times (in my dreams). It’s eerie how well you can get to know someone in 2 years that you had never met before in your life. 

Wrapping up, relationshits are awesome. Not for the ones involved of course (unless you’re into that kind of stuff, in which case… wow), but for those of us who enjoy watching two idiots battle over the stupidist shit possible. Something about the way people can’t back down from an argument because they don’t want to admit they’re wrong, even though they know damn well that oranges don’t grow from the ground or that Spain isn’t a South American city.  

I’d love some feedback on this one, experiences, stories, anything. I mean, come on, who doesn’t love relationshits? 

At one point or another, people have a roommate in college (or at least most people do). Some have fantastic experiences, some have crappy experiences, and others just get by without either or. Roommates make the college experience either that much better and more exciting, or bring it down with their negativity and idiocrity. I had two roommates my freshman year, both of them were good in their own ways, and this is an introduction to both of them. One is a more prevalent player in the future of this blog, and the other has some impact, but not as much as the other.   

Out of respect to not only my roommates, but all of my other friends and people I will discuss in this blog, I will resort to referring to these people by the location they originate. Some may be from the same place, but the distinguishing factors will be laid out when that bridge is crossed. My first roommate was from Wheaton, a suburb of Chicago. One of my biggest worries about college was my roommate. I have a feeling that is often the case for most incoming freshman at college. I had been accepted into my dream school, was excited about every aspect of my freshman year, but wasn’t sure if my roommate would help or hinder making my freshman year all it could be.

Lo and behold, he was indeed the perfect roommate for me. It’s uncanny how two people that had never met before can come together in the confinements of a 20×20 foot cell (to put it politely) for a few months and can eventually become friends. Yes, people make friends every day, but the term friend is used very lightly. You meet someone in a class, or at work, or something of the sort, have a conversation, relate to each other, and then go your serparate ways. This is considered a friend, or at least that’s how most people interpret interactions like this. However, I digress.  

The first week before classes had even begun, I did not even say more than a few words to my roommate, we didn’t do very much together, except sleep in the same room. However, all it takes is sharing 4 of your 5 classes together, having an identical daily schedule, eating all of the same meals together with your other ‘friends’ on top of living in the same cell. It didn’t hurt that our interests were a solid match on paper, and that more than translated in actuality. The amount of time it takes for two individuals to become friends, like I’ve previously stated, is quite the thing to witness. Many of you may have shared the same experience, and you know what I mean. But enough of the whole intellectual stuff, let’s introduce him.

Wheaton was a golden boy in high school. Played Varsity football for a “great” high school team, sang in show choir, got good grades, and had a solid group of friends. Comes from a lovely family, a younger brother, parents both extremely nice. He is basically that generic person when you think of a “good guy”. And just like what I have told you, that is what shows when you first meet and interact with him. Personable, welcoming, and just nice, I guess. However, it doesn’t take much to really get to know someone, does it? I soon found out the real side of Wheaton, his insane ability to horde a fifth of Jack Daniels, his tendency to rip his shirt off in a fit of… well… there was no real reason for that. Just like the saying goes, “don’t judge a book by its cover.” You can judge him by his cover, but there is so much more to him than meets the eye. 

That about sums it up for him, he’s now my best friend, and once again my roommate, unfortunately. The power of college, dorm rooms, the midwest, all of the above. It’s quite impressive the way two strangers, not even knowing each others towns ever existed, never having been to each others states even, yet they can get along so well, and seem like they had grown up right down the street from each other.

Now… on to the second roommate. Wheaton moved into our Fraternity after our first semester, so it was nothing personal him moving out. That opened up the space for my second roommate, Brazil. Yes, he was from Brazil, I can’t quite recall the city, but he was for sure Brazilian. He was 4 months away from turning 21 when he moved in, and the only thing on his bed was a sheet, and his jacket he used to curl up as a pillow. His repetoire of bedding expanding throughout the semester, but it was quite amusing to see the way he started.

There was a language barrier between him and the rest of the floor, even though he spoke very good english. We liked to poke fun at this from time to time, and there will be an entire day devoted to his Language Barrier. He came in a semester behind the friendships and knowledge of the floor that the rest of us had, but it wasn’t too hard for him to fill in.He was smart, liked to walk… especially over 3 miles away to get to an Office Max… and was all about the American College Experience. He will be brought back up later on, but that is about it for now. 

Roommates are a great thing. I was lucky and got one great roommate, a best friend, and another pretty awesome roommate, and maybe a reason to go to Brazil some day. Until next time…